Monday, December 08, 2014

Reflect on love

Last night, I masturbated three times. I felt sorry today and repented at mass today. I had hoped not to masturbate as a sacrifice for Advent. To prevent this, I will avoid going to Fictionpress and reading romance.

I remember a story about a man who loved a woman and thought about her all day when he woke up and until he slept at night. He confessed his unrequited love for the woman to a priest. The priest said, "What you're seeking is God."

I am afraid of love. I am afraid to be hurt and abandoned. I would rather masturbate and be alone than be married then later abandoned or be a burden to my husband. Maybe I am afraid that what happened to my parents (father left our family) would happen to me.

But Mommy said that her fate is different from mine. Just trust God will do the nest for us. So here's a drawing of mine of a family (or at least a man, a woman, and a child).

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