This week, Robin Williams died and the whole world mourned of his death. When I read that he took his own life, I remembered a time when I was so depressed that I considered suicide.
I was failing at university and not attending my classes any more. I just went to the library everyday and read books that I liked. I should have told my parents that I did not want to go to school any more. I could have gone on a leave of absence. But instead, I lived a lie and continued to keep up appearances of going to school when I wasn't.
This was the time that I read books and websites on suicide. I did not want to put my family to shame so I read on suicide methods that could be seen as accidents. Drowning, asphyxiating, and falling are fatal methods that seem accidental. Asphyxiation means losing oxygen supply to the brain. You could lose oxygen by choking, hanging, and poisoning.
My plan was to choke on rice while drunk. I tried drinking a bottle of rhum and eating a lot of rice but I ended up vomiting everything. I gave up on my suicide attempt. Eventually, I had to tell my family that I was on academic suspension for one year. They were very kind and forgiving to me. That's why I love and forgive so much, though I don't show it. I love much because I have been forgiven much.
If you're experiencing depression and contemplating suicide, seek help. Talk to a trusted family member or friend. Call a suicide hotline or the emergency number in you area. This pain is temporary. Hang in there. Things will get better.