Sunday, December 08, 2013

I have Asperger's syndrome

Hi! I think I might have Asperger’s because I need to do the right thing, don’t have many friends, and have low social skills. But I can’t memorize well. My personality type is INFP so maybe I’m just extremely introverted, intuitive, and perceiving.

“You have to actually want to be close to one person.” While I want to marry, have children, and homeschool them, being close to people is a problem. When I am out of the house, I study by myself, eat by myself, and even watch movies by myself. I just go to class, listen, take notes, and recite as best as I can. I do things with people when they ask me, but I seldom ask them to do things with me. It would feel like I am imposing myself on them.

“You need to find the thing that’s going to work for you so you can have that one intimate relationship.” How do you find this thing?

“So part of getting along in the world with Asperger’s is accepting that not everybody has to have a high IQ job just because they have a high IQ.” I’m in law school because we had a legal crisis in the family. My family said to me that I could study in law school and do whatever the lawyer was doing. I knew about my personality type in college, but I didn’t know that it would be a bad fit in law school. I can’t memorize well, can’t think fast on my feet, and don’t compete well. Sometimes I think that I should have pursued art or stuck with being a researcher.

“The other thing you can do with work if you have Asperger’s is specialize.” I read the book Do What You Are, and the only job related to law is legal mediator. I can do that. I read a lot of self-help books, even though I don’t apply all of the ideas. I like the Myers Brigg personality test and think about the personality types of people I know.

“The person with Asperger’s needs to understand that they need a life partner and they need a job.” I understand that I need a life partner and a job. A job is something that I could do with hard work. When I applied for my first job, I applied for at least 100 jobs and got 10 interviews and 2 job offers.

But when it comes to having a life partner, my first thought is always, “Who would have me?” I like people but don’t want to be close to them. Should I apply what I did to get a job to find a life partner? I’m not even attracted to men. How could I date them? Maybe I should find someone like me.

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